Since I have it at the top of the site, I figured I might as well address the reference to Newton’s Flaming Laser Sword. It sounds like some cool, high-tech weapon, but really it’s a logical principle put forward by Australian mathematician Mike Alder that says “That which cannot be settled by experiment is not worth debating.” Put another way, if we can’t go out and prove that something is either true or false, there’s no reason to even talk about it.

This is used in scientific circles to prevent people debating things like whether it’s possible that an atom somewhere in the universe has ever stopped moving completely, or whether God exists, or whether the Democrats or Republicans are “right,” whatever that means. None of these things can be scientifically proven.

But who cares if science can prove or disprove it? It’s fun to talk about stuff that could never be proved. I like to consider that there’s a part of the multiverse where a distant galaxy is colonized by a race of human-cat hybrids, or that at this moment there are 12 million people around the world all holding in a fart, or that video games aren’t just records of another universe’s history. It may be useful to scientists, and it may have the coolest name of any logical principle, but I love absurdity too much to adhere to such things.

That’s why I’m dousing Newton’s Flaming Laser Sword, and outside of scientific inquiry or places where real facts matter, I think you should too.